Of all the things to complain about...

Check out this video of a soldier living in the "deplorable" barracks at Fort Bragg.

Now, I lived in said barracks for about 4 months last summer. As usually seems to be the case, I had a slightly less tragic perspective on things than this guy.

Honestly, of all of the things I can complain about my Army 2.0 experience, having a barracks room that had been ravaged by vicious venetian-blinds hating Gnomes is no higher than 8th or 9th on that list. It just comes across (to me) as whiny. It's the Army, after all...where's the fun if you're not suffering at least a little bit?

p.s. The only truly annoying part of this incident is the commander coming on and claiming they had no idea how shitty the barracks are...I don't buy that for a Bagram Airfield minute. Those barracks have been in use by mobilizing and de-mobilizing soldiers for more than a year, and trust me, this is not the first guy to complain about the broken lights, lack of hot water, exposed ventilation, etc.

Different people react differently to the IRR...

I have to say, I'm not sure how many of you have been keeping up with Josh over at "To War & Back", but...let's just say the guy is having some trouble adjusting back to Army life.

That's completely understandable, of course, but still...compare and contrast his reaction to Fort Jackson to mine.

Me: Also, make sure I post sometime or other about how smart and saavy everyone here is--already had lots of good conversations with folks about technology, marketing, technology-marketing, and the like. Very impressed with my fellow soldiers.

Josh: Now for a little culture shock word association: chewing tobacco, "ain't", wood paneling and cinder blocks , bigotry, "chow hall"

The quotes are out of context, and Josh has his positive moments from time to time. But generally speaking, I think the culture shock is really getting him down. Still...taking pictures of your Harvard cap on the bed isn't help making him a more sympathetic character (not that it's my/your sympathy that he's aiming for).

And really, what's so bad about living somewhere where eating Chik Fil A three times a week isn't just accepted, it's encouraged? Come on--a pickle on a fried chicken sandwich? That's cause for celebration, not dismay. And when you get right down to it, Walmart, fast food, strip clubs and pawn shops...that's just America, man. No use getting too upset about it.

Bottom line--I think that Josh is sans peers, and it's hard to stay positive going through something like this without friends to share the experience with. I don't know how I would have made it through that place without my wife just a few miles up the road, and Jeff and Chris taking every lump I did along the way. We had each other, and that made all the difference in the world.

I hope things pick up for Josh, and his experience becomes more positive with time--because time is something he's got a lot of.

The More Things Change...

I have moved jobs yet again, but this time the move is largely cosmetic. I'm still working for the same organization I was before, but I've more or less shifted from being a worker bee to being in charge of the shop. The team I work with is great, and largely self sufficient, so I don't foresee much in the way of superviseree duties coming with my exciting new job title.

What this does mean is that I am in a better position to shape our overall strategy as a staff shop. The move also strips one layer of the chain of command between me and the Task Force Commander, which means I will have a more active role in shaping our overall strategy for four provinces in eastern/central Afghanistan. Pretty exciting stuff, all in all.

The downside is that I now have a lot more of the day to day beauracratic stuff on my plate. Giving the islamo-fasiacists the what-for apparently involves a ceaseless stream of meetings and slideshows and teleconferences (who knew?) and I'm now the guy who has to make sure all of those things get taken care of. Before, I could focus on my slice of the pie (which was already focussed on strategy) and leave the boring stuff to the boss.

So, all in all this is a good move, and I'm in an infinitely more interesting job than I was when I first arrived. Because honestly, coming all the way to Afghanistan after everything I went through at Fort Jackson, Fort Bragg, the CAQC and FOB Patriot, if I spent my time here lifting weights and playing video games...

You guys know what I'm getting at.

**I couldn't come up with a related picture for this post, so I put in this one of an adorable puppy instead, for one or more of the following reasons:

A) Everyone loves adorable puppies
B) My new gig requires long hours that make me fall asleep in my water bowl
C) I'm trying to establish a pattern of behavior
D) All of the above

I know which reason I'm leaning towards, but I leave it for y'all to guess at...

Easy as Wednesday Morning

I wanted to check in, and briefly give a shout out to my second favorite time of day (my favorite being any time that I get to talk to my wife). Our schedule around here is pretty insane, and I keep not getting around to a day in the life post--but for now I'll just say that most mornings I have about an hour to sit in my camp chair by my bunk, relaxing, reflecting, and preparing for the day.

I check in my favorite Afghanistan news sources (http://www.e-ariana.com/ and http://www.bakhtarnews.com.af/default.asp?Lang=E), check box scores, catch up on email, and listen to music.

The hour always flys by, and I need to rush off now to eat some breakfast and get ready for the training day. But still, mornings here aren't bad at all.

Cat's Barber Shop and the Yadkin 500

There's this strip right outside of Fort Bragg that back in the day was called the Yadkin 500. Not sure if it still goes by that name, but the 2 mile stretch of Yadkin Road immediately outside of Bragg is one of the quintisential Army post strips in the entire world. It has everything--tattoo parlors, military gear stores, strip bars (though not nearly as many as on Bragg Blvd), pawn shops...and barber shops.

My buddies and I counted once, and I kid you not--there are 31 distinct establishments in a 2 mile stretch of the Yadkin 500 where one can get one's haircut for a reasonable price. Tonight, I had the distinct pleasure of patronizing one such establishment for the first time.

Up until now I've taken my haircuts on Fort Bragg, with decidedly mixed results. I never made the move to the Y500. Why? Because as anyone who is familiar with this type of strip can tell you, they can be a little on the sketchy side-and the Y500 sets the gold standard for sketch, at least for the live-ball (post 80's malaise) era. Haircuts haven't been a big deal anyways, and I've stretched the bounds of the Army's uniform and appearance standards by going 4 and 5 weeks between cuts. But that won't fly now that I'm with an actual unit, and need to set an example for the soldiers who I outrank.**

As such, I took some time during my free afternoon today to trim the old lettuce.
But when I got a bit behind schedule, there was no time to make it back to post for a mediocre cut with my local Army barber. The only thing I had time for was, you guessed it, the Y500.

Now, I didn't have a particular location on the Y500 in mind. I figured I'd just drive down the street, and choose the first barber shop I found that seemed to be open, well lighted, and in a high traffic area where the likelihood for Pulp Fiction-i-cation was as small as possible.

I found just such a location in the form of Cat's Barber Shop.

The nice fellows at Cat's were the type of older, southern gentlemen that you feel comfortable cutting your hair--Fox News on the TV, Army crap all over the walls, look like they're 60 but they're probably only 45--you all know the type. I got a good hair cut at a decent price, to include the straight razor treatment on my neck to wrap things up.

And the kicker was, this guy didn't even ask me how I wanted my hair cut. Literally, I walked into Cat's and sat down immediately. I made an apology for my hat head (we like our hats in the Army), and he said not to worry about it--he could fix me right up. And without any further ado, he did just that. He cut and trimmed and razored my lettuce, and he did a good job of it all. I briefly considered interrupting his cutting to let him know exactly what he was looking for...but considering that all Army haircuts are a little silly regardless, I might as well let the man do his thing and see what would happen.

What happened was a great haircut. And I owe it all to the Yadkin 500.

**I know that some of you will rightly point out that as a Captain in a Civil Affairs unit, I don't technically out rank that many people. As best as any of us can tell, the chain of command in CA goes roughly Private, Specialist, Captain, Sergeant, Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel, Major. But there are still like 3 or 4 Specialists in my unit, so I have to be strong for them so that the rest of guys don't rag me too hard.

FOB Patriot

I have officially occupied FOB Patriot, here at Fort Bragg.

Life is pretty good, and the FOB is pretty amazing. Great facilities, considering it's a big tent/trailer city in the middle of the Fayetteville, NC wilderness.

They are finding ways to keep us exhausted here. But things are good. Gotta get those warrior skills back somehow or another. Never thought I'd have to type a sentence like that, but hey, that's how things go these days.

Lauren is on her way!

Hey all, and happy Friday.

Lauren is on her way down to visit me this weekend at beautiful and scenic Fort Bragg, NC. We don't have much planned, but we will be spending Saturday afternoon evening with my old friends the Holmes's. I'll say hi to them on behalf of the whole Alaska crew.

Still, as I type this post at 5PM on Friday, Lauren isn't out of the woods yet--she has both Washington AND Richmond rush hour traffic to slog through before making it here.

So, let's all wish her great luck making it through, and look for me to show up again with fresh content this Sunday.

Love and sloppy kisses to all.

At Long Last...Class Has Begun

"You're all about to go down range for a year or more...there's no need to practice being miserable"

Yesterday I officially started Civil Affairs Qualification Course (Mobilized) Class 05-07. Things will be pretty light this week, as some students are still rolling in throughout the next couple of days. But towards Thursday and Friday, we'll kick things off in earnest, and from there we'll have 6-7 weeks of classroom instruction. Ten or so days in the field will follow, and after that there won't be much left to do besides cleaning off all our gear and weapons, and graduating.

As we haven't really started learning anything yet, I don't have much to report on that front. Some information has trickled in, though, which is nice considering we've been left in the dark for the last 3 weeks.

Weekends are off, and we will have 2 long weekends during the course (labor day, and one other). There is minimal organized physical training, which means that we won't have to wake up at insane hours of the morning to run, do push-ups, etc. Class will start at 8 or 9 most mornings, and finish at 4 or 5 most evenings. The material looks interesting and useful (for the most part, at least) and I'm generally excited to get things going.

The quote at the top of the post was something that one of our instructors told us yesterday. His basic point was that the cadre have no intention of making things difficult/painful in the CAQC just for the sake of it, as is so often the case in Army culture. This came as a great relief to me and my friends, and is a big part of why I'm in good spirits as we begin the course.

One last note--the class is roughly half Navy officers. Some of them are reservists, but I get the impression that most are active duty--aviators, surface warfare folks, sub guys...it would seem that the Army is taking all comers. Add these guys to the Navy folks that I encountered down at Fort Jackson, and it becomes apparent just how many Navy dudes of all shapes and sizes are being loaned out to the Army in our ceaseless struggle to surge-out neoglobal islamo-fascist jihadists.

I suppose they've been telling us for years that joint operations are the future, so why not embrace it, right? Go Narmy.

(Still More) New Accomodations

Looks like that it was too much for us to ask that the Army keep us in our current, quite comfortable living quarters. Yep, it looks like in the next few days or couple weeks, we'll be moving into new digs.

Now, I can't remember how much I've written about our barracks to date, but I should say that we've got it pretty good right now. A nice sized room, most of the lights work, only minor insect infestation, etc. But that's not all.

The shower works (hot water and everything), we have a fridge and a microwave (that we've no plans to use, but still), we could pay to get cable or internet in the room if so inclined...we're basically living the life, here. I honestly have zero complaints.

That said, this is our second set of rooms here at Fort Bragg. We started off in the same building, down one floor, where it would seem that vicious venetian-blinds hating Gnomes were set loose to destroy light sockets, air ducts, and (of course) all of the venetian blinds. In my room, the bathroom lights didn't work. Not a light bulb thing, mind you--they straight didn't work. My neighbor had working lights--but the shower itself didn't turn on. The room after that had both a functional shower, and light with which to shower in, but he was getting a little tired running a bathhouse out of his room, and understandably so. That's a lot of out of shape, wet IRR nakedness for one man to have to deal with.

So now, as we all ponder what exciting accommodations await us, we can't help but wonder--are we about to plunge back into a world free of the encumbrance of running water? Will we be returning to the land of light-less showering and bowel movements? Will our new rooms have shown poor, innocent Venetian Blinds the respect that they so desperately deserve?

As always...we shall see.

p.s. The blinds pictured were in my first room, and stand as a constant reminder of why Gnome related vandalism, if left unchecked, will almost certainly result in the terrorists winning. Good day to you all.

Upbeat and Feeling Fine

A buddy of mine pointed out that this blog got a mention at the Command Toc. The Command Toc site is basically ground zero for folks trying to find out information about IRR call ups, so I was happy that I've been noticed--should help out folks trying to learn more about what the Irr/Fort Jackson/CA/Fort Bragg scene looks like in mid 2007

I should also mention, there's a 5 part article running on MSNBC this week about some dudes who went through this process two years ago. It follows them all the way, Fort Jackson to Iraq and back again. A very interesting read. But as conditions and circumstances have changed a ton since then, it's worth having an updated snapshot available to anyone about to go through the IRR/Jackson/Bragg process.

Back to Command TOC--it started out as a great site to get information about putting together delay/exemption requests for those of us called up from the IRR. It still definitely serves that purpose--albeit with a large slant towards folks with medical situations, something that never applied to me--but recently, the Command TOC has (in my opinion) devolved slightly the way internet message boards do --people sniping at other people, making the same inflammatory posts over and over, etc. There are a handful of bitter, angry folks over there, and I of course can't blame them for feeling that way. And the site itself is still where it's at if you want to join a forum that's looking at the IRR, muster, etc.

What was interesting about my mention on that site was that I was described as being very upbeat and positive about this whole process. I was flattered that, despite my (hopefully humorous) accounts of some of the absurdity that my Army friends and I have encountered, angry, bitter people do not perceive me to be either angry or bitter. And yeah, I've kept a sense of humor about this whole process...but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't at all bitter. If I didn't have a bone or two in my body--nothing big, like a metatarsal or two--that wasn't a little bitter about everything. I'm just not broken up about it, that's all.

So to my friends over at Command Toc--thanks for noticing, and keep on fighting the good fight.

More from Signal Land

Another fantastic update from Kevin at Iraq Part II.

It turns out that Kevin, a Signal Officer, won't be the Signal Officer for the Field Artillery Battalion he's been assigned to. They already have a Signal Officer. Kevin will be a staff officer or a battery commander--slots usually reserved for FA officers. This FA unit, incidentally, is from Northern California.

So for those of you counting at home...Kevin from New Jersey, who wants to go Civil Affairs and was trained as a Signal Officer, is being assigned to a Northern California Field Artillery unit to fill a Field Artillery slot.

I am a Field Artillery Officer who lives (until recently) in Northern California, and they're sending me to Civil Affairs. I actually prefer CA to FA at this point in my life...more interesting work, better opportunity to take advantage of my MBA skill-sets...but still. Wow.

And of course, we all remember Kevin's fellow signal officer who wants to stay signal, just finished his master's in Comp Sci...and he's getting sent CA as well.

I think all of this kind of speaks for itself at this point, but it just goes to show--we don't have the infrastructure and systems in place at Army Human Resources to effectively match IRR soldiers against demand. There are certainly an infinite number of bigger problems in the world. But still.

Latest Post At Iraq Part 2

Good morning, all.

I just wanted to check in quickly, and link to Kevin's most recent post about his IRR experience.

This is basically my thesis statement about the CA Corps and the IRR process. Un-freaking-believable.

Time to hit the road--see everyone tonight, and as always--God Bless Freedom.

Updated Timeline

Again, there are things I'd like to say--but won't.

Still, as I realize that a reading of this blog to date would have you all believing that I started the Civil Affairs Qualification Course (CAQC) this past Wednesday, an update is in order.

You see, showing up at Fort Bragg and then starting the CACQ this past Wednesday would have been way too easy.

Instead, we spent the last week--and I'm not kidding or exaggerating even a little--DOING THE SAME IN-PROCESSING AND PAPERWORK THAT WE DID AT FORT JACKSON OVER AGAIN! Literally, on Monday, we took all of our paperwork, arranged it in a different order, collated it into four different versions, and then got it all stamped off on as it now met the Fort Bragg Gold Standard of Excellence.

Because we were busy doing such things all week (including the previously posted urinalysis repeat) we couldn't start the Course in the class that started on Wednesday . The next course doesn't start until...drumroll please...31 July! So my crew and I are stuck at Fort Bragg, getting paid to hang out at the Gym and read Harry Potter Books for 3 weeks.

And don't get me wrong, I'm all for the time off, and the laid back schedule...but I'd rather spend 2 salary free weeks with my wife. You know, what with the whole "going off to war" thing and all.

Transportation To and Fro Fort Bragg, NC

Let me start by saying that most of the really good stuff, the really juicy gossip, the absolute choicest cuts of Fort Bragg dish...I probably shouldn't share with you. I'm going to have to (gulp) self-censor--something that most of you know pains me to no end.

I'll just say this...my crew and I have been so surrounded by hilariously cringeworthy beauricratic nonsense, that I don't even know where to begin. If anyone wants the full version of events, feel free to call...or just wait for me to publish the war memoirs (I Gambled and Lost--the Andrew Exnicios Story).

Still, propriety and appropriateness aside, the story of my arrival at Fort Bragg is a tale that requires telling.

Now, as most of you will recall, I flew up from Columbia, SC to Fayetteville, NC last Saturday. I rolled out with the 3 other officers who I processed through Fort Jackson with--Chris (Captain Cannon), LTC Smalls, and Major Newman. The four of us braved our two flights, hours of killing time at the airport, and arrived at Fayetteville Regional Airport at about 5 PM. We had been told that a specific representative from the unit would be waiting at the airport to pick us up.

We arrived at the airport, and were met by noone.

Now, this usually wouldn't have been that big a deal. After all, we really weren't expecting someone to come meet us on a Saturday evening, and we were four grown men, Army Officers all. But in this particular case, we had been left with nothing. We had no contact numbers. We had no building number. We had asked for all of this information, of course, but we had been told not to worry about it--someone would be waiting for us at the airport.

So, we waited. We waited for 15 minutes. And then another 30. At that point, it was pretty clear to us that noone was on their way to pick us up.

Not to be deterred, the team swung into action. LTC Smalls got online using his Verizon Mobile Card. I called up Matt Holmes, an old buddy of mine from Alaska and Oklahoma. LTC Smalls got a lead on which building might be our headquarters, and Matt--father of 4, mind you--generously offered to come pick us all up at the airport.

We drove onto Fort Bragg, and we called the Military Police to ask where on Post the building number in question was. We got directions, and as we approached the address, we began to see signs on the buildings for USACAPOC--the USArmy Civil Affairs and Psychological Operations Command--so we reckoned that we were at least in the ballpark.

As it turned out, we reckoned right. We opened up the door of the building in question, and there she was--the Captain that had promised to be waiting for us at the airport.

Without skipping a beat, or expressing even a modicum of surprise that we had suddenly shown up at her desk, the Captain looked up from her Lifetime TV and said "Hello, go ahead and sign in and take some linen."

My crew was stunned. Where was the apology, the excuses, the "Oh my God, I COMPLETELY forgot to pick you up at the airport???!" Instead, the Captain continued, completely unaffected by our sudden appearance.

"Yeah, the guy who has the keys to where you're staying is off post. Probably about 30 minutes away. Have you guys already eaten? Can you kill time for an hour or so while he shows up?"

Uhh, sure we muttered. We all slinked out of the office, and piled back into Matt's minivan. He took us to grab some grub. Upon returning to the office, the NCO was there, and...Dear God, there are about 7 more really important details to this story, and I just feel like I can't post them in this public forum. Let's just leave it at this...we left Fort Jackson at 7AM, and we didn't arrive at our final destination until 8PM. 165 miles in 13 hours.

It was probably--after my wedding day--the greatest day of my entire life.

Fort Jackson Recap

To any of you who are late in getting on board the Racer-X express, here's a rundown of what we've been talking about so far.

It all started with a wedding...the great stories always do. From there, I headed south and arrived at Fort Jackson to start training.

But instead of training, it was time for something far more difficult. Three exciting days of in-processing, in-processing, in-processing.

Fortunately, I was rewarded for my paperwork prowess by something I would have never expected when the week began...a great weekend w/ Lauren!

Heading back to the Army after all that fun wasn't easy, but a day later the Army gifted my something almost as sweet...a modicum of information about what I'd be doing once I left Fort Jackson.

I didn't have much time to process that info, because before long I was off to enjoy my 4th of July, sans Lauren unfortunately.

From there, it was a simple matter of figuring out my nonsensical transportation to Bragg, and passing a little test in Basic Rifle Marksmanship...and that pretty much brings us to the present!

A good weekend to everyone, and I'll see you in a few days--once I figure out what the internet situation is up at Bragg.

One More Random IRR Note from Fort Jackson

To any current or future readers who have or will stumble upon this blog, I wanted to invite you to contact me with any questions that you might have about the IRR process, particularly as it applies to the re-classed civil affairs folks.

In the meantime, here are a few tips--but keep in mind that just because this is what training is like during June/July 2007, doesn't mean this is still the deal when guys get called up in 2 years to go invade Syria.

1) Expect to have weekends off. The op-tempo here is pretty relaxed, and the reservists value their time off as much as you will. During my rotation, we had a full weekend off, and they re-worked the rest of the schedule so we'd have a holiday for the 4/5 July as well.

2a) Bring lots of civilian clothes. There isn't a fixed schedule, but our enlisted folks didn't get their uniforms issued until Wednesday afternoon of week 1. We officers bought our uni's on Tuesday, but didn't wear them until the enlisted guys had theirs. So that's what...4 days up front in civilian clothes? Plus weekends and evenings off? Make sure to plan accordingly...

2b) Do NOT bring BDU's. Some of the info out there still mentions BDU's, but you won't need them. Bringing them just creates hassle as you figure out where to stow them.

3) It seems obvious, and it's written all over the place...but really do bring all of the paperwork you can think of. Marriage licenses, birth certificates for your kids, rental agreements leases and mortgages. If you are re-classed Civil Affairs**, and you don't have a security clearance, expect to have to fill out all of that paperwork as well.

4) Bring a car if you dare...but don't expect them to be happy about it. Apparently, the CA folks at Bragg have been giving the cadre at Fort Jackson a hard time about officers driving themselves up there. For the life of me I can't think why they care, but still...know that if you bring your car, you risk being ordered to get rid of it at some point down here at Jackson.


**All of the combat arms enlisted dudes (and MP's) in my class got re-classed to civil affairs, but none of them knew it when they reported. If you've been re-classed, it's on your orders...but can be hard to find. Comb through the orders, and look for "38B"...if you see it, you've probably been re-classed.

Busses are for Suckers

Well, the results are in--we're flying from here to Fort Bragg after all. I think it's worthwhile to examine this decision, as we need to dig just a tad deeper in order to reveal the true brilliance of "fly" vs. "ride".

Fort Jackson and Fort Bragg are about 175 miles apart, give or take.

We're leaving Fort Jackson tomorrow at 0700 for a--wait for it--1230PM flight. That's 5.5 hours to move 25 miles to the airport, check in, and make our plane.

That first plane will take us in the exact opposite direction of Fort Bragg, to Charlotte, NC. From there, we take a second flight to Fayettville, where bus/van transportation to Fort Bragg will await our arrival. For those of you keeping score, that's another 15 miles of driving.

That said, we should arrive at Fort Bragg at around 4PM tomorrow. So all told, we're looking at 40 miles driving, and 9 hours of total travel time, all so we can spend MORE money than it would take for the 4 of us to load in a car and do the 2.5 hour drive from here to there.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the above: my thesis statement on why the Army is awesometastic, and the terrorists don't stand a chance. Keep on Surgin' boys, keep on Surgin.

The CA Command Comes Through...Maybe.

Good afternoon, everyone, and a happy day-before-independence-day to you all.

I just got out of a brief with some Civil Affairs folks from Fort Bragg, and it would appear that our long, national no-information nightmare is over.

I'll leave out of Fort Jackson on a bus sometime on Saturday. We'll head to Fort Bragg, where my fellow officers and I will be dropped off with the CA command up there (CAPOC). We're to take a 9 week course of Army training on how to be Civil Affairs officers--so to everyone who has asked me about what the hell a CA guy does, ask me again on or around the 12th of September. Hopefully I'll have it figured out by then.

From there, I'll be assigned/attached to the unit with which I'll go down range to Iraq (99.99%) or Afghanistan (0.01%). Hard to say when I'll know the details on that assignment, but depending on the timing of it all, I could be overseas as early as mid-September, or as late as...well, it could potentially drag on if I get attached to a unit that isn't deploying until this winter. We'll see.

But for now, the good (great, grand!) news is that I'll be at Fort Bragg, NC from Saturday until at least 12 September. Fort Bragg is about 4 hours from home and Lauren and my parents and everything else. And while I don't know how much time I'll have off, or whether I'll get weekends free or run of the post, at the very least I'll be a short drive away for anyone who wants to come down and visit.

There have been some horror stories about the living conditions at Bragg (and about how long you're stuck there post-course, pre-deployment) but they swear up and down that conditions have been recently improved. I've heard that one before, but again--we'll see.

Come to think of it, based on the number of "we'll see's" I've included in this email, I still don't really know a whole lot about the what/when/how/where/why's of my next many months in the Army.

But hey, a little bit of knowledge is infinitely more than the ignorance I was wallowing in before, so for now I'm happy. Will I stay that way in the long term? We'll see...