Saturday, February 23, 2008

I didn't need the skin on my face anyways...

My Saturday morning didn't go that well, and it all started when I fell asleep w/o brushing my teeth Friday night. Through my recent research on dental clinics (don't ask) I know not brushing not only has a negative effect on oral health, but both increases my chances of getting pneumonia and decreases my hopes for carrying a healthy baby to term. Serious stuff, I know.

The point, though, is that it was not until this morning that I realized that my toiletries kit was not, in fact, sitting on the floor by my door where I always leave it. A quick tear through the hooch confirmed my suspicion that I must have left the thing in the restroom yesterday when I was doing my morning hygiene.

I ran over to the shower trailer, and of course, my kit was nowhere to be seen. I ran back to the hooch and started scrambling to find things with which to clean myself, because oh by the way--today isn't just any day. No no, today is the day that I got to brief a general, as well as the guy who will eventually command me.

Fortunately, I had yet to throw out the random care package from the "Support Our Troops" organization that I received earlier in the month. That package had been filled with various things that one really needed in a care package back in 2003 before they rigged up these wars to support commerce. So I found a toothbrush (there were actually 5 in the box--how many toothbrushes does one guy need??), a single blade disposable razor, soap, toothpaste, and what I thought was the coup de grace--shaving cream.

Sadly, it turns out that the little can of "shaving cream" was actually a little can of bug spray. I luckily discovered this before attempting to lather my face with the stuff, but still.

So, with my new found toiletries in hand, I trudged back to the shower trailer. I brushed my teeth with no incident, and I put on some deodorant--the one thing that I had extra of in my own stocks. Next up was the shaving, and let's just say that it didn't go too well. My face doesn't respond well to shaving to begin with, and the crappy plastic safety razors really don't work for me at all. In the absence of shaving cream I lathered my face with regular soap as best I could. The single blade wouldn't actually cut anything unless I went against the grain and really scraped my skin for all I was worth. When it was all said and done I cut myself in 4 different places, and left my face a red, bloody mess. And I still looked like I didn't really shave.

I went to the PX later in the morning and spent $27 on toiletries, and $6.50 on a haircut, and I think my clean cut coif distracted from the blood spots on my face. Luckily I'm pretty good at briefing important people, and I think that they looked past my slightly unkempt appearance and focussed on the content of my character (and/or my briefing).

And what, you might ask, is the key lesson learned from this tale of a morning gone wrong? The odds of me keeping my promise to not ramble in a post from time to time were never very good.

**I enjoyed attaching an unrelated photo to the last post, so in another fit of lack-of-creativity I've gone the non sequitur route again.


Mrs. Exnicios said...

Briefing Generals??? I thought you were playing with puppies!

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