For those of you who haven't heard, or don't follow sports closely, Redskins All-Pro free safety Sean Taylor died this morning. Sean was shot yesterday while defending his family from burglars.
This morning, when I was feeling a bit blue about it, Lauren wrote a little story about what REALLY happened to Taylor. So, by way of tribute, I present that story to you in it's original, barely edited form. Enjoy--and RIP Sean Taylor.
I don't think Sean Taylor is really dead. I know, it seems far fetched. But bear with me for a second.
I think the knife incident two weeks ago was a wake up call for Mr. Taylor.
I think that, good father and boyfriend that he is, he faked his death to get him, his baby and his baby's momma out of danger. I think they are going to go live a life on a tropical island, and even now are flying to Tahiti or somewhere to start their life of anonymity and drinks out of coconuts.
Problem is, a man like Sean--he wasn't born to sip drinks and lay by the beach. He was born to play football. It's what god put him on the earth to do--he can't just hang around on an island forever.
Fast forward 2 or 3 years, and he'll want to play again. But he can't come back to the NFL, everyone will know its him. So he'll have to go play in the Canadian leagues. Where clearly his skill will outmatch everyone's, it being Canadia and all.
So the bad guys, the ones who left the knife on his bed a few weeks ago, will catch wind of it, and start blackmailing him. Lucky for Sean, though, there happens to be a washed up police detective living in Canada who loves the Redskins, but had to move to Canada after he blew a case b/c he started drinking when his wife left him. He too will recognize Taylor's skill, and Taylor and the washed up detective will develop an unlikely friendship. There may be a dog involved, or a plucky kid living next door.
Anyway, the bad guys try to take out Taylor - for reals this time - at the championship of the Canadian football league. Which Taylor has led his ragamuffin team of has-beens and cast-offs to. And the police detective tells him has to leave--the Grey Cup isn't worth the life of Sean or his family.
But Sean can't leave his friends--he's part of a team, after all. So the police detective and sean taylor hatch a crazy plan to catch the badguys and win the Cup. The Grey Cup. Then, with the bad guys finally caught after all these years, Sean can return to the Redskins.
And having been returned to grace, the police detective returns to the DC area, but decides to forgo an offer to rejoin the force in order to become the head of Sean's private security detail and live with Sean and his family.
And having been returned to grace, the police detective returns to the DC area, but decides to forgo an offer to rejoin the force in order to become the head of Sean's private security detail and live with Sean and his family.
And finally, Sean will realize that he never did marry his baby's momma--so they will get hitched at the 50 yard line of Fed Ex field in front of 90,000 screaming Redskins fans, with Chris Cooley's floppy hair presiding over the ceremony.
