Notes from the Homefront, Lauren #1: An Introduction

I hate flying. I used to have to do it a lot - one of the "bonuses" of long distance relationships is the frequent flier miles one accumulates. Its not so much the flying I hate - I'm not a real white knuckle flier. (Now I have no desire to have any flight result in disaster, but I know I've discussed the possibility of me dying first with Andrew and he knows that he must mourn me forever and live his life as an everlasting tribute to me. But I digress.)

What I hate about flying is the entire process - driving to the airport, parking, shuttle to the airport, checking in, people ignoring open check in kiosks, standing in line at security, people refusing to take their shoes off, people claiming that perfume is not a liquid, juggling everything in socks at the other end of security, finally getting to the gate, only to wait for delays.

But lately, I haven't hated it quite as much. I think I realized this change in attitude at Christmas. I was flying to Connecticut to see my family and thinking about how long it had been since I had been a regular flier (basically since I left Colorado this summer). I started thinking about what flying used to mean and I realized that I used to have all these negative feelings towards the act of flying because it would take so long - I always saw it as a delay to get where I was trying to go - to visit Andrew.

To me, if I could just check in five minutes faster, or get through security without delay, I would be able to be with Andrew sooner. While going to CT this year was great and having my family so close right now is such a blessing, I was really sad on that Christmas flight when I started realizing that Andrew wouldn't be waiting for me at the other end.

We were never one of those flowers at the airport couples - but I would always text him "on the ground" as soon as I could turn on my cell phone when the plane landed. He'd always call me and let me know where he was and we would talk to each other as I wound my way through the airport terminal, trying to reach the security point. There would always be the moment when we first saw each other - usually while still on the phone with each other - and all those pains of flying - the hassles of the shuttle bus, the security line, angry babies on the plane - it wouldn't matter anymore because Andrew was there and we got to be together, even if only for 48 hours.

Every time, throughout our two and half year dating relationship, my stomach always flipped a little when I saw him waiting there for me and I often had to keep myself from running towards him in some cinematic moment. So on that flight to CT, it made me really sad to know he wouldn't be there - wouldn't be there for the next ten months of flights. And even if that makes me less anxious in security line, I would be so happy to go back to be a cranky flier if I could know that Andrew would be waiting for me.