Thursday, October 9, 2008

Maverick Choices You Can Believe In: The Adorable Ones

Greetings, loyal followers of the 2.0, and welcome to the 4th installment of our continuing series: Vice Presidential Race 2008--There's Still Time.

When last we left you, the 2.0 had broken down 4 potential replacement-running mates ready and willing to step in for Biden and/or Palin.

After starting our list with 4 straight male candidates, it's time to reveal the first of our female potentials. And if you thought Sultan Jeff or Patrick had a compelling case to be made, wait until you see what the Adorable Ones have to offer.

First up is everyone's favorite sign wielding newborn, baby Abigail. Now, we feel compelled to mention that the adorable infant is constitutionally banned from the office of Vice President for another 34 years and 8 months. Putting that aside, though, one must admit that baby Abigail combines all of the adorableness of the Palin family with the same basic level of readiness in a single, more efficiently sized package.

Both candidates are said to covet the little baby’s unquestioned cuteness and quickly developing gross motor skill. Should McCain tap Abigail it would be mark the first time a national ticket ran two candidates with less-than-total bladder control.

Pro: Has no experience, has never been to Washington, has never said anything incriminating or embarrassing (or at all), has never met or associated with any politically controversial figures, isn’t old, isn’t a fake-Muslim, isn’t from Delaware.

Con: Easily distracted by shiny colors, pleasant noises.

Pet Issue: Legislation ensuring that she isn’t forced to receive sex education for at least another 21 years.

Favorite Parent: The nicer smelling one with the long hair and milk

As cute as little Abigail is, there is one potential running mate that scores as high (or higher) on all the relevant adorability indexes--our very own guest blogger, Bailey the cat. The 10 pound feline is a delightful mix of orange fur and pink paws, and she sports highly valued working class roots from her youthful days on the mean streets of Saint Louis. Bailey would also mark the first vice president in recent memory able to hide from tiresome, visiting heads of state by jumping on top of a bookshelf and laying perfectly motionless for hours on end.

Republican strategists believe that a blogging cat might be just the solution the GOP has been looking for to assuage voter fears regarding McCain’s lack of tech-savvy. The Obama campaign thinks that this already historic election could be made even more important by pairing the first ever black candidate for national office with the first ever orange one.

Pro: Daily routine of sleeping, eating, bird watching is basically equivalent to a typical day-in-the-life of a sitting Vice President.

Con: Tendency to knock pencils, important documents off the president's desk creates tension between adorable orange cat, president.

Pet Issue: Mandatory sentencing for mommies who don’t feed kitties prior to 7 AM each morning.

Favorite Beatles Album: Rubber Soul

11 comments:

Mark said...

I think both of these choices show a great deal of potential to "change the debate" in DC. But I wonder about Bailey. She IS extremly cute but what's in her background??. I understand she has been linked with Nelly while on the mean streets of St Louis? and her list of former home addresses reads like a witness protection profile. There is the issue of killings in her past,(ie mice, Savannah cockroaches, etc)
Of course there is also the issue of being an "DC insider" now.
I suggest you ask Katie Couric to interview each before final selection. But I must admit I would vote for a Bailey ticket!

EmployeeMegan said...

Skip and his super-sweet (not to mention, patriotic) side heart say "woof." Which roughly translates to -- what the eff?

Alison said...

The favored, milk-producing parent is totally for Abigail for VP!!!!

Mrs. Exnicios said...

I don't know, with a lack of recent photos of Abigail having been made public, one has to wonder if she is trying to hide something.

Patrick said...

Sorry about the lack of new photos. We've run into two problems. Our computer that we use to upload photos is in Abigail's room and we don't go in there once she is asleep. She falls asleep about an hour after getting home from Daycare so weekdays are a wash. 2nd problem is that the computer had some issues and we just got it fixed. Look for many new adorable photos soon.

Alison said...

New Abigail photos posted!!!! She has nothing to hide. Full disclosure on her current drooling problem.
The computer is fixed and the grandparents were here for the weekend to give us some time to take care of stuff.

Alison said...

Oh link to photos would help I guess.
http://picasaweb.google.com/bernstein.alison

Mrs. Exnicios said...

Thanks for the adorable photos.

diane said...

As Abigail's grandmother I can say without question she would make a wonderful VP.Any foreign head of state would melt just looking at her smile!!!And she only puts her hand in her mouth- not her foot.

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